The Return
by Jillcb
Summary: Merlin is starting to feel the pressure with his new position of Court Sorcerer filling his every hour. Feeling under the spotlight, and missing Freya badly, he decides to escape for an afternoon. He meets a face from his past, and suddenly new avenues open up for him. This follows on from The Presentation.
1. Chapter 1

Merlin stretched and then carefully got out of bed. His body and head ached and had been for a few days. Now he had his own quarters as he was Court Sorcerer, he was not under Gaius's maternal care. He knew by now Gaius would be giving him herbs and making him rest more but at the moment Merlin had no time for either. His workload had tripled and he barely had the chance to remember what day it was. He slowly made his way over to the King and Queen's Quarters and was half way along the corridor before he remembered he'd promised Gaius to collect some comfy before work. For once the extra chore was a blessing maybe being outside would give him the chance to get rid of his headache at least.

He set off for the Darkling Woods taking his old herbs bag and a bacon sandwich one of the kitchen assistants had given to him. Clara in particular spoilt him rotten, a blonde girl with red cheeks she was forever palming stuff off onto him.

"We can't have our Court Sorcerer dying of hunger now can we?" she'd said to him that morning. In truth Merlin couldn't quite understand people's obession about his weight. He certainly didn't feel underfed he was just lanky in frame naturally. He let them fuss any way and took it all in good faith, it was certainly better than being viewed at with suspicion as he was in the early day of becoming Court Sorcerer.

He considered his life now how it had changed and he realised he was pretty much living the dream he'd always wanted. Yes the demands on his time never stopped, but at least people now knew who he was. There was no more hiding away or having to play the fool to cover himself. He was truly thankful for that. He had pretty much everything he desired, with the exception of one thing. He felt lonely.

He could never quite understand his loneliness. For a person who'd spent much of his time on his own now everything was out in the open he suddenly felt incomplete. He would watch his friends Arthur and Gwen now preparing for their first child and at times envy the fact that they had something extra somehow.

Suddenly Freya would come into his mind and once again a source of hopelessness would descend over him. Once more the fact that he couldn't save her would torment his mind. All his powers and yet he could do nothing to save the woman he loved. He questioned if he ever would find contentment in that respect? Or was he just meant even now to be on his own? Was he being punished for not saving Freya, at times it felt like it to him.

He sat down to have a brief rest and rested his aching head on a tree. The leaves were starting to fall and he could feel fragments of them falling around him as he sat. His eyes felt suddenly tired so he took a few minutes to close them and relax, until he briefly fell asleep

Every now and then he caught a scent on the wind, and he let it into his mind and inhaled. She was there standing before him, a smile on her face holding her hand out to him. Merlin smiled at her holding out his own hand to her and walked towards her. They met together and kissed and he breathed in her scent as if he was about to go under water. "Freya" he whispered. Suddenly he woke up with a jump, feeling not quite there he took a few moments to come round. She had been so clear in his mind that for a second Merlin had thought it was real. He realised it was the same dream he had on and off at certain times of the year. Mainly near the anniversary of her death, but that was months ago now, he would never understand dreams he thought to him sadly.

He sighed and got up deciding to go further into the forest to try and get some comfy. He walked off at a brisk pace noticing little as he moved on. Looking around he could see no comfy around. He sighed deciding in the end to use his senses to find it. He looked ahead intently and as his eyes turned golden he checked out the path ahead. No luck, so he changed direction coming to a clearing. As he walked into it he heard a current of birdsong which suddenly slowed down his mind. He stopped for a second to listen to the sound of nature around him.

At times he felt as though he could spend endless days like this instead of attending unending court business. But as Arthur's plans for a united Albion were steaming ahead Merlin knew he was needed in Camelot. After a few minutes he continued on his way. He stumbled through some trees before coming to a stream. Suddenly he realised just how thirsty he was and went towards it to get a drink.

As he crouched down by the stream he suddenly he heard a noise behind him. He turned to find a figure behind him dressed in a cloak.

"Sorry I didn't mean to alarm you." Merlin said trying to remain friendly.

The figure came closer until she was standing next to him, as she took off her hood she had a bright smile on her face.

"Hello Merlin I never thought I'd see you again."

"Sefa, I don't believe it." Merlin laughed. "what are you doing here, how are you?" all of a sudden Merlin had a thousand questions to ask the former maid of the Queen.

"I am well thank you. I am with the Druids who are nearby. When I had to leave Camelot I decided to go back to where I was at the beginning. Once my father died in the camp I decided to stay here." Sefa looked at Merlin closely. "It's so good to see you. I've often thought of you." She smiled.

There was a brief silence in which Sefa looked at Merlin more closely.

"Are you feeling alright?" she enquired concerned.

"Oh I'm just tired my days never seem to end. Always something to do things to attend to. I'm not sleeping too well at the moment." Merlin replied suddenly realising he did indeed feel rough.

"Come and sit down over here." Sefa said taking him by the arm gently and leading him to a broken tree in the shade. Sefa got him some water. "Drink this."

"Thank you." He said taking the skin from her giving her a weak smile.

Sefa sat next to him studying his face carefully. She was shocked by how lined his face was and how little colour there was. Tired and lined with worries she guessed to herself. This was the Merlin she knew back in Camelot, always worrying about others and putting himself last. It seemed things had not changed she thought to herself.

She remembered her time in Camelot and how attentive he always was to her, always helping her out when she needed it. Well maybe this was her chance to repay him for his kindness.

"I have some natural remedies in my bag, I would like to help you if you'll let me." She smiled at him.

"I'm not sure anything could at the moment." He smiled to her sadly. "But you can give it a try." He held out his hand to her she held it briefly giving it a little squeeze.

"You should learn to have more faith with the old healings Merlin." Sefa said.

"I'm always willing to learn." Merlin smiled suddenly curious.

Merlin watched her get some leaves out of her bag. She carefully put them on the ground and took out a Jasmine flower. She carefully plucked the centre into one of the leaves before carefully putting some water around and then let it dry in the sun for a few minutes. Then she took out a little box and opened it, taking a little powder and mixing it onto the leave. Merlin found himself relaxing as he watched Sefa work, he had forgotten what pretty brown eyes she had. He smiled at her.

"What?" Sefa asked smiling back.

"I just can't believe we have met again." Merlin said, "when you left I thought I'd never see you again."

"I always had hope that our paths would cross again. Right it's ready, put your head back and try and relax." Sefa said. She carefully put the mixture onto Merlin's face and gently rubbed it into his temples. Merlin was overcome by an aroma from the mixture.

"What's that smell?" he asked curiously.

"It's from the Jasmine flower, it encourages restfulness, cures sore eyes and depression helps to get you back onto your feet." Sefa smiled softly at him.

"So it will help make a new man out of me." Merlin smiled.

"I can't promise that." Sefa laughed, "but I guarantee you will feel better than you have been. I will give you some to take back to Camelot with you. So you can use it when you need to."

Merlin smiled feeling suddenly a lot more relaxed as he regarded her.

"I know what would help me, if you agreed to see me tomorrow night." He said arching an eyebrow at her.

"Merlin are you sure that is wise?" Sefa asked staring intently at him. "Anyway I thought you were too busy."

"I am always busy of course Arthur can find me tons of things to do." He laughed. "but seeing you suddenly like this, it's made me realise I should try and find some time for myself too."

Sefa sat back "I'm glad you have decided to do that, and yes I will meet you tomorrow. There's a lovely place I can show you, really peaceful and beautiful."

"That sounds really nice." Merlin said.

Sefa said "Just let me put a bit more ointment on." She carefully spread it over his face. Merlin closed his eyes as he smelt the scent and let the aroma take him over, he found himself relaxing as Sefa's finger gently rubbed on his weary bones.

"Who taught you to do this?" he asked curiously.

"My Grandmother, she was a healer of the old ways, always knew how to make you feel better. She had such soft fingers even though they were wrinkly and old, she could heal anyone." Sefa explanined

"I think you can." Merlin smiled "I already feel better."

"I'm glad you always worry about people all the time. You need to think about yourself Merlin." She said

Merlin smiled, "Oh I'm fine."

Sefa smiled and shook her head at him.

You will never change will you?" she said

"I suppose I've been serving people so long it just becomes habit, putting yourself second. It doesn't feel right any other way. If that makes any sense." He said.

"I think I know what you mean. But everyone needs some time to themselves Merlin. How is everything in Camelot?" she asked sitting next to him.

"Busy Arthur is a bundle of energy. Every bit of the day he needs to be doing something or giving you something to do." Merlin complained looking up at the sky.

"Despite everything you love it though." Sefa smiled noting that a little colour had started to come back into his face.

"I suppose I must do." He said giving her a thoughtful look. "What about you?" I was really sad to see you leave Camelot."

"I was sad to leave, but I needed to look after my father. He was never at ease with my decision to be in Camelot as you know. But I knew he was near the end, the Druids here were so kind to me, that I felt I wanted to give them something back, so I stayed." She smiled.

"Will you stay with the Druids?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, I would like a family one day." She said shyly "so I can't see myself staying here permanently. Maybe one day I will meet some one and go away with them."

"I'd like that too." Merlin agreed, a warm smile on his face.

For a brief moment they stared at each other saying nothing.

Merlin then remembered he had a meeting to attend and scurried up.

"Are you okay?" Sefa asked suddenly concerned.

"Sorry I've got a meeting I need to be at." Merlin grinned. "you will meet me tomorrow evening?" he asked.

"Yes I will meet you, try not to get too stressed and use the remedy I've gave you when you are feeling tired. It will help you." She smiled.

"I will and thank you I feel a lot brighter than before." He said.

"I'm glad I managed to help you then." Sefa said. "I'll see you here tomorrow evening."

She was about to walk away, but before she did Merlin leant over and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you." Merlin smiled before hurrying away.

Sefa watched him go revelling in the feel of his kiss, and smiling to herself she turned and returned to the Druid camp, feeling that her life had at last taken a turn for the better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Merlin scooped up the last of his papers from the afternoon meeting, knowing as ever that time was against him. Arthur had already informed in of an extra couple of chores, he inwardly cursed knowing he was already battling against the clock for his meeting with Sefa in the evening. He had stayed quiet about meeting Gwen's former maid. For one thing he knew he would get endless ribbing from Arthur, and for another thing he knew he would also get hundreds of questions from Gwen, who was desperate to match Merlin with someone. So he battled to keep the information to himself.**

"**I was expecting you about half an hour ago." Arthur said, as Merlin came charging into Arthur and Gwen's quarters armed with washing and papers which Merlin had just finished editing. **

"**You gave me two extra chores." Merlin pointed out rolling his eyes. "Just because I'm the court sorcerer doesn't mean I can do everything in record time sire." He ended slightly sarcastically.**

"**I bet you could finish everything in no time at all if you used your magic." Arthur remarked looking intently at his friend.**

**Merlin stared back at Arthur. He sometimes found conversations about magic with Arthur a peculiar experience. Not so long ago he was hiding it to save his hide. Now Arthur was actually joking with him about it, at times Merlin could only shake his head in disbelief at how far they had come.**

"**Magic is not to be used for trivial chores sire." Merlin could hardly believe he had just said that. He suddenly thought back in time at how Gaius would say the same thing to him. He grinned to himself. "Is there anything else you require from me tonight?"**

"**You were using it for tricks before." Arthur pointed out.**

**Merlin rolled his eyes that's all he needed Arthur in one of his talkative moods. **

"**They were not tricks they were experiments, there is a difference." Merlin argued. He moved from one foot to the other anxiously.**

"**Merlin is there somewhere you want to be or something?" Arthur asked curiously.**

"**No of course not." Merlin silently fumed, this was going to be tricky he thought to himself. "I just need to see Gaius some time." He lied.**

"**See him any time you want." Arthur said smiling at him.**

"**Yes but I haven't seen him for a couple of days so I wanted to spend a little bit of time with him." Merlin said suddenly wanting to throttle Arthur.**

"**You were with him this afternoon at the meeting." Arthur laughed. "I swear we must be over working you Merlin all of a sudden you have no memory."**

"**I know he was there this afternoon." Merlin said fighting to keep his patience, "But that was business."**

"**I would never stop you from seeing Gaius you know that." Arthur said.**

**Merlin started to move around again. "So have I finished for the night?"**

"**What?" Arthur asked "Now?" **

"**We are into the evening." Merlin said **

"**Are you sure you don't want to go anywhere Merlin? Arthur asked looking him straight in the eye.**

"**No, well maybe.." Merlin began**

"**Ah I know you want a night out with Gwaine again." Arthur remarked as if all had become clear. "I might remind you Merlin last time that happened you were caught singing mucky songs and making a nuance of yourself in the kitchens by Audrey."**

**Merlin rolled his eyes. "I think you'll find that was Gwaine making stories up." Merlin replied, "anyway I don't know any mucky songs." He lied.**

"**Now I know that one is a lie Merlin." Arthur laughed.**

**Merlin sighed. "Can I please go now?" he asked.**

"**What? Oh if seeing Gaius is that important to you I suppose you can." Arthur smirked.**

**Merlin walked out of the room as quickly as possible, in case he got landed with another chore.**

"**What are you smirking at Arthur Pendragon?" Gwen asked as she walked into the room.**

"**I think Merlin has got a prior engagement." Her husband grinned.**

"**You mean he's going on a date? How come I don't know about it?" Gwen asked slightly peeved.**

"**According to him he's going to see Gaius." Arthur grinned.**

"**Arthur don't you dare!" Gwen whispered recognising the mischievous look on her husbands face. "Let the poor man have a night off. I wonder who she is?"**

"**God knows but you'd think she'd have better taste!" Arthur laughed.**

"**Well I think Merlin is a good catch." Gwen said smiling intently at her husband.**

"**Of course you do Gwen you have always had time for hopeless cases." Her husband laughed.**

"**Well I married you didn't I?" she said with a grin.**

**Arthur looked up at her "Hey I'm not a …"**

**All he could hear was his wife's laughter leaving the room, despite himself Arthur chuckled.**

**Merlin tucked his neckerchief tightly round his neck as he made his way through the Darkling Woods. The sun had just gone down, and there was a definite chill in the air. He found himself suddenly really looking forward to seeing Sefa again. He'd been so busy at various meetings during the day that he didn't really have much time to remember the fact that he had met the her again. But now he could feel his excitement begin to grow. **

**Sefa was waiting by the stream and she smiled as he arrived.**

"**You're here." She said happily.**

"**Did you really think I wasn't coming?" Merlin asked curiously.**

"**Let's say I know how devoted to your work you are." She laughed.**

"**I think that's just a clever way of saying you didn't think I'd come." Merlin laughed back.**

"**Well I was maybe expecting you to be late." She said with a little smile.**

"**I have to admit Arthur did his best to hold me up." Merlin grimaced.**

**Sefa looked at Merlin questioningly.**

"**I erm didn't tell him I was meeting someone. So trying to get away was difficult."**

**Sefa laughed. "I know how difficult that can be. I have a friend at the camp who is like a sister to me now. She is so curious about everything. I wouldn't tell her where I was going tonight. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if she was hiding in the undergrowth right now."**

**Merlin laughed. "Curious people are difficult to live with aren't they? Now where is this place you are taking me too."**

"**This way." **

**They walked off into the woods at times Merlin felt he knew where they were, recognising the odd tree or path. But eventually they came to a clearing he realised he'd never been to before. They stopped and listened.**

"**I know." Sefa smiled, "it's so peaceful. I often come here whenever I want to be here on my own. I look at it as my own little area. Somewhere that no one else knows about."**

**They sat down together on a broken tree, revelling in the beauty and solitude of the place.**

"**That's what it was like for me too." Merlin smiled. "when I was growing up in Ealdor and learning about my magic. I had a place that I called my little Kingdom. If ever anything went wrong I would end up there."**

"**It must have been difficult to begin with learning about your magic." She said putting her hand lightly on his arm.**

**Merlin nodded, "It had its moments I have to admit. Sometimes I felt as if I was going mad." He shuddered. "I didn't understand why I was so different to everybody else. I just wanted to be like my friends I suppose. But I knew I wasn't at times it made me feel like a monster." He said hardly daring to look at her.**

**Sefa took hold of his hand. "I never thought of it like that. I remember my grandfather talking of you when I was younger. He talked of you being this miracle person who would bring magic back to the land. I thought of you as almost god like I suppose."**

"**I'm sorry I couldn't say anything to you when you were at Camelot." He said looking regretful.**

"**No need to apologise I know it's what you needed to do, to stay by Arthur's side. I always remembered that kind servant who looked after me." They both smiled at each other. Sefa then pulled him up.**

"**Come on we've still a bit of a way to walk."**

**They fell into an easy saunter and silence. Suddenly the terrain became a bit harder to walk on. The woods became more dense and the ground more slippery. Out ahead Merlin could see a clearing and he could hear water falling from a great height.**

"**Take care." Sefa warned as they started on a bit of a climb, she carefully pushed branches aside, Merlin followed her suddenly aware that his senses were becoming more acute as they came nearer the water. What was this place he wondered? He was pretty sure he'd never been in this area before, as he didn't recognise any landmarks around. The nearer they went to the water the more he felt attuned with the environment. It was as if he was coming home, to a place that was alive with "magic" he suddenly breathed out loud. **

**Sefa turned around and smiled giving him a hand as they walked up a slight hill together. Once up Merlin saw it, a water fall of extraordinary beauty. Nor just beauty but power that seemed to get inside his mind and call out to him. He sat down in wonder. Sefa sat next to him.**

"**The Druids call this place "man gorffwys" it means the resting place. They believe it is where all the spirits and the gods gather. My father would bring me here whenever he needed to go somewhere for inspiration or peace. He believed whenever he was here the world would speak to his magical being. It's a place of real relevance to the elders among my camp. They say magic is at its most vibrant whenever you are here. I wanted to show you it." Sefa smiled, " you looked so lost yesterday I was hoping bringing you here would open up your mind again."**

"**I never even knew this place existed. Thank you for bringing me here. You're right I can feel every magical fibre in my being. It's like" he paused "nothing I've felt before." **

**Merlin looked around in wonder. He closed his eyes feeling totally at one with his magical self, as if it was dancing through his fingertips and every other part of him. The only other place that compared was Avalon, but that was different somehow, not as alive or vibrant as this place. This was a place where magic flowed every where. From the ground to the water to the sky and the trees. Merlin felt as though he could float down and touch the water below him, a heaven on earth.**

**Looking around her Sefa sighed. "I would get so sad here with my father. He would get lost in his magic and I would sit around and wish I had magic too, just so I could experience what he had."**

**Merlin took her hands in his "Every one has the possibility to have magic of some kind inside them. Some have it more than others, but whose to say that you too don't have some."**

**Sefa smiled at him, "I knew bringing you here was a good idea. You suddenly look a new man." She laughed remembering his words yesterday.**

"**A new man I'm not so sure about that. But a revitalized one yes definitely." He squeezed her hands.**

**As he looked at her he realised just how different she was from the shy newcomer that had arrived at Camelot, a couple of years back. It wasn't just maturity he thought, but something about herself. Maybe it was the death of her father, and having to survive on her own, but Merlin saw a very new and intriging person suddenly. A person he felt drawn too in a way he couldn't explain. The fact that she didn't possess magic changed little but something about her made him think there was something inside that he had yet to find out about. He hoped desperately that his busy life would not prevent him from attempting to find out what it was.**

**As darkness started to fall around them they made their way back carefully through the woods. Merlin at one stage using his eyes to find their path.**

"**You are amazing." She smiled.**

"**I would love you to come back to Camelot with me." He said.**

"**I left very suddenly, that would maybe cause problems." Sefa said sadly.**

"**I can talk them round. Gwen hasn't replaced you, give me a week and give me your answer. Please say you'll consider it." He begged her. **

**After a couple of minutes she said. "I will think about it I promise."**

"**That's all I can ask." He said. They stopped at the broken tree where they had met. **

"**Thank you for showing me that place, it's nice to know there is somewhere nearby where I can find a bit of tranquillity."**

**Sefa hugged him suddenly. "Take care Merlin, remember to take the remedy when you need to. I'm just glad I could help you." She said softly touching his face.**

"**We will meet again soon I think." He smiled kissing her lips briefly before letting her go. **

**Sefa smiled at him with her eyes, then turned to go, and she walked off feeling both elated and sad all at once. Did they really have a future she wondered, knowing that she wanted it more than anything, but afraid that some how it would not come to pass.**

**As Merlin approached Camelot his elation lifted as he thought of his role as Court Sorcerer. Was this the chance to complete his life he wondered, or would it merely confirm that his responsibilities meant that he had to be on his own to do them justice? All of a sudden he realised he had reached his crossroads. Now all he had to do was to find the courage to confront them. **


End file.
